Meow!
by KHoobs
Summary: Hehehe, it's Ayesha's diary! I love Ayesha! Please RR!
1. Chapter 1

**Meow!**

**A/N: Muahahahahaha! It's Ayesha's diary! I am in love with Ayesha. After Erik and Nadir, she's my favorite character! Yay! Please R/R!**

**Disclaimer: I OWN AYESHA! Hahaha, not the original character. She belongs to Susan Kay, I believe. But I do own a Siamese kitten named Ayesha! Yay!

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Dear Diary,

Today, I was picked up off the street by this weird guy in a mask. He smells weird, but his voice is nice. But he smells weird. Oh well, he's saving me from becoming a tennis racket. And he has some nice food in his house.

He got kinda angry when I killed a spider that was staring at me. He (the guy, not the spider) started mumbling some things about ugliness and not living or something like that. There's a lot of water around his house. There was some weird singing coming from it. I think it might be some weird subspecies of porpoise. I have got to check it out. It might be edible.

Okay, I'm back. I started to go to the water, but the smelly guy picked me up and carried me to this dark creepy room. I mean, come on. It had a coffin in the middle of it! That's just too weird for words. He took this bracelet thing out of a box and said one day I would grow up into it. It was shiny. I like shiny things. I reached out a paw to touch it and he just laughed at me and gave me some food. I like food. I like food more than shiny things. Off to take a nap.

Love,

Me (I can't remember my name. Is that a bad thing? It was such a weird name that the smelly guy gave me...Something with an 'a', I think…)

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**A/N: Well, what do you think? It was short, I know. But, please review! If I can get at least three reviews, I'll continue. Please R/R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Meow!**

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm baaaack! I wrote this chapter last night with one of my grandmother's Siamese kittens, Ping, chasing my pencil. Then his brother, Nikki, jumped up and started eating my notebook. It was kind of distracting. But I talked to my boyfriend back home, who called from my house cos he's taking care of my eight cats and six kittens, and he said my very own Ayesha was eating his pants…oO. Yeah, kinda weird.**

**Reviews!**

**SimplyElymas: Heehee, thanks! He'll be here, but not for a few chapters. But he will be here, and I'm already thinking of Ayesha's opinions!**

**Silvermasque: Thanks for reviewing! Heehee, cloaks are fun. I have a perrty green one. It's shiny! Seriously:D**

**Gevaisa: Trust me, I am a cat person. Currently, I have eight cats, and my female Siamese, Cleo, just had kittens four weeks ago. Six of them. I'm keeping two, named Cata and Ayesha, and my grandma is taking one. I think she's named him either Haiku or Zen. Thanks for the review!**

**Awanderingchild: Christine the hamster? Are you serious? Thanks for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I have a shoe. The shoe is blue. I don't own Phantom, and neither do you!

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Dear Diary,

Okay, so this guy isn't so bad…even if he does smell funny. He feeds me all the time, and what he feeds me tastes pretty good. I wonder what it is…

I heard the porpoise thing singing again. Mr. Smelly-dude wasn't paying attention to me (for once!) so I slinked (a perk of being feline and Siamese: slinking!) over to the lake and took a few sniffs. The singing continued, and the water smells weird. Kinda like the guy…Maybe his scent washed off into the water? Anyway, since I had no intention of getting wet, I pushed a pebble into the water, and the voice broke into a million tiny ones! Now I know what it is! It's not porpoise related at all! It's a colony of plankton-hybrids specially trained to sing in one harmony! Muahahahahaha! Sushi tonight!

Uhh, okay, I just found out what the mystery meat I had been eating is. Eeeeew, horse meat! Oh well. Damn horses! I will have my revenge for my tail! What, you thought all Siamese had natural kinks in their tails? Damn carriage wheels…

I think Mr. Lake-perfume has a few problems. Mainly being an identity crisis. He keeps calling me his "precious little lady." Uh, wasn't that some creepy deformed guy from that book with the short people with hairy feet? He also has possession issues. He won't let me out of his sight! You'd think he'd have something better to do than follow a kitten around all day, writing down every move she makes! And he has a facial insecurity. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT DAMN MASK? Maybe he's photosensitive…or has a bad case of acne…Must be acne, as I haven't seen the sun since he brought me here. Where are we? Underground or something? His eyes are pretty nifty, though. They're like a built-in nightlight.

Just found another issue. He has an obsession with death. It's not healthy. Come to find out, the coffin in the creepy room isn't just an interesting conversation piece. It's where that sicko sleeps! He made a little cat coffin for me to sleep in. I used it to sharpen my claws. And then ran away.

And now I'm off to reap revenge on all horse-kind.

Love,

"A" something or other…

Note to self: Find out name.

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**Me: Muahahahahha! I can't wait until Nadir comes in…and then Christine…And you know, at some point, Ayesha is going to get out and explore the Opera house…-evil grin- **

**Erik (popping up out of no where): Not if I can help it.**

**Me: O.O! –glomps and then faints-**

**Erik: -.-; Review, please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Meow!**

**A/N: Shrubbery and herring, because I'm on a Monty Python high. Fun!**

**Reviews!**

**Sugar Peaches: Thanks a bunch!**

**EriktheDevilsChild: I'll be sure to keep it up! It's fun!**

**MopMan: Somehow I doubt that you actually read this, since I know you, but thanks for the reviews anyway? Loser.**

**SimplyElymas: Muahahahahaha, only I know! And so will the rest of you in the next chapter! Not this one, the fourth one. xD**

**Silvermasque: Lol, my gram's cat, Nikki, likes to wake people up at 6 in the morning by biting their noses. Hard. –rubs nose and sobs-**

**MetalMyersJason: Thanks, I know so much about Siamese it's scary. But I've been brought up around them. And when I read that Erik ended up with one, I literally ran around my house screaming. I think my neighbor's nearly called the police on me. **

**And to all of my reviewers get free hugs from Erik, and Silvermasque gets Mr. Lake-perfume, I mean, Erik, at her house for two hours! Have fun!**

**This chapter has an Inuyasha reference and from Lord of the Rings. Surprise to anyone who can find them!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING I TELL YOU! Except the 2-disc collector's soundtrack, the 2-disc collector's DVD, and the special edition DVD of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. NI!

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Dear Diary,

I didn't think it was possible from this guy. I mean, I've met caterpillars with more anger in them than Monsieur Smells-a lot. I've never seen him angry, Granted, I've only been here a week, but still. All I did was shred a piece of paper, something I do often. He snatched it away from me, screaming something like "You shredded the entire first page of Don Juan! My masterpiece!" It's not like he's trying to chop down a tree with a herring…Why not just rewrite it or something? But he locked me in a dark room for about and hour. I like this room. It's the only one in the house that doesn't smell odd. Odor-man must not go in there. I took the opportunity to kill an enormous spider I found in there without Nose-burner getting all huffy. But, seriously, that guy must not have a nose or something, to be completely ignorant of his smell! He smells like bones and grave soil.

He still hasn't removed the mask. Maybe he has a mole in the middle of his forehead, or maybe he looks like the Black Beast of Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh. If I looked like that, I'd wear a mask, too.

I was exploring the house today, and I heard the plankton chorus again. I found this funny little floating thing on the water, and jumped in to see if I could find the singers. I was about to jump into the water, despite the fact I would be drenched, in hopes of a sushi dinner, when Monkeyman retrieved me and took me to the dark morgue that is his bedroom. He took out the shiny bracelet again and I was mesmerized by the sparkliness. I jumped on it, and ran off with the sparklie, laughing manically in my mind.

I couldn't have been happier if I was surrounded by shrubbery and laurel! The shininess was mine! My own! My precious! Dammit, he got it back.

Last night I was walking down this hallway I found, when this bright light was suddenly in front of me. I thought it was Sir Stinky and his glow in the dark eyes, but it wasn't. But it was like a moving buffet. Rats! Not as good as the sushi I have been trying to get for days, but a good difference from my revenge on horses.

Must go and try and get my precious back.

Love,

Cat.

Note to self #2: GET NAME FROM SMELLYMAN!

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**Me: Somehow I don't think this was as funny as the last two…But I haven't been in much of a humorous mood lately. Hence the late update.**

**Erik: Trust me; she's not been in a good mood at all. **

**Me: -glares- Do you want me to get the fly-swatter again?**

**Erik: o.o-meep- Please review! Or she'll hit me again!**

**Me: You're pushing your luck.**

**Erik: -whimper-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Meow!**

**A/N: I just want to give a big thanks to all of my reviewers. This is already more successful than any of my other stories combined. Including the ones I had up here when I first joined. You wouldn't believe what I do when I check my email and see a bunch of new emails from ff.n. It's scary. Anyways, here's the chapter in which Ayesha learns what's under the mask! Wh00t!**

**Reviews! And there's a bunch this time. xD**

**MetalMyersJason: Ni! **

**SarahBelle: Christine won't be here for a couple chapters. So we just have to wait. And cats are fun to have conversations with! Trust me; with eight of them, I have experience in that department. xD**

**GAKDragonMCP: Thanks, and I will!**

**Ocean Queen Kai: Thanks!**

**SimplyElymas: lol! I used to be too lazy to sign in for reviews all the time. And thanks! The story loves you, too! Monty Python ROOLZ! Lmao!**

**Silvermasque: Now, now, no hurting or maiming. Or anything unspeakable in my story rating. Anytime my friends and I get asked who we are, depending on our moods, we say "We are the Knights who say NI!" And then usually ask for a shrubbery.**

**GerrysISUChick04: -hands you a silver plated fly swatter- Have fun! And are you serious that your name is Katie? I know too many Katies…Including myself! Icky, common name, if you ask me. But that's just my opinion.**

**Sugar Peaches: Thanks, I'm updating as soon as I can!**

**LoverofBalto: Not paying attention to things is one of my specialties! Thanks for reviewing.**

**angel of mystery: Thanks for the review.**

**Lonely Loony: Thanks for the reviews! And I know they loved each other. This fic is meant to be a humorous bashing of all characters from a cat's point of view. Trust me, a cat may be completely adoring of you one minute, and then the next be looking at you like you're something lower than scum. **

**And to all who found the LotR reference, you get cookies! –throws cookies to the reviewers- And the InuYasha reference was the bones and grave soil thang. I had it on the brain when I was writing. And sorry for all the Monty Python stuff. I watched it before I wrote the chapter. –shrug- **

**I don't know how this chapter will turn out, because I've gotten in a bunch of fights with my family today, which puts me in a bad mood, and I found a store that sells Jolt soda. Jolt soda is the best. If you don't know what it is, it's a cola with twice the caffeine of Mountain Dew, and if you don't know what Mountain Dew is, you live a sheltered life indeed.**

**A bunch of reviewers have been rather…irritated…at the continuing jokes about Erik smelling weird. It's based on something from a friend and me. We were watching the movie when we smelled something really horrid. I was like, "What's that smell?" She said, "Maybe it's Erik? I mean, the only water around him is green!" Me: "But he had a bathroom…" Friend: "Where do you think the water in the bathroom comes from?" Turns out the smell was some spray my neighbor was using to kill bugs in her yard. -.-;;**

**Disclaimer: Heehee, I own my own version of Ayesha (kinda) and her new rhinestone collar, cos we couldn't afford a diamond "precious!" And my lovely battery-shaped cans of Jolt. Nothing else, at this point in time…  
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Dear Diary,

Wow! What an interesting couple of days it's been since I last recorded anything. Note sarcasm.

Well, I haven't made any more attempts at a sushi dinner in the past three days because I'm sick of Mr. Odor-beater carrying me off every time I get near the water. Maybe he's hiding something other than his face…which I've never actually seen, and I've been here more than a week now. Creepy vain…creep.

I also think I found out what my name is. Well, I know how to spell it. But how to pronounce it is a different story. And since technically I'm a cat, I'm not supposed to know how to spell and such. Stupid stereotypes. I shall now write down my name. (At least I think it is!) A-Y-E-S-H-A. I think. And now that I have the name, I shall learn to pronounce it! Which, quite honestly, would be rather pointless, because I'm a cat and talking poses a bit of a problem for me. But, if a group of planktons can form a choir, why can't a cat talk? This is an outrage! I demand to see whoever is in charge. I'm taking this matter to the top! I'll…oh…wait...it's supper time. I'll be back later…

Okay. I'm back. Couldn't miss out on food! Or sparklie things…Sadly, I haven't seen my shiny since I ran off with it that day. I don't think he trusts me after that. Stupid smelly man. I SHALL HAVE MY SHININESS! Shiny…shiny…I SEE A SHINY! Wait…that's Mr. Stinks-a-bunch's mask. And…he's sleeping…I didn't know he slept…or ate…I'm not even sure he blinks. Hmmm…I've been here over a week, and he hasn't slept at all in that time. So, he must be sleeping rather soundly…I'm sure he wouldn't notice if I took the sparkliness that is his mask…I'll be right back, after the sparklie is hidden securely……

Well…that was interesting…Um…took sparklie…Narrowly missed becoming a wallet…Indeed, there is a reason for the mask…Not acne, either…Uh…I feel really bad about some of my older entries…I take back anything I said about the mask, his looks, and…nope, that's it. Just because he really is a deformed man without a nose, he still smells weird. Maybe the living shrimp scampi in the lake is the reason for this? If only I could get a hold of them for a lovely supper (which, given the fact of how many voices there, I could probably eat sushi for weeks), maybe the water would refresh itself and he wouldn't smell so bad…Or maybe I could get him a gift of some nice smelling bath wash…But where can I get it?

Off to ponder how to get my fish dinner, where to get some soap for Mr. Odor-cloud, and how to pronounce my name…And where to get a sparklie of my own that isn't locked up. The lack of a sparklie I can look at at anytime depresses me more than anything…

Love,

Ayesha (however you pronounce it) the kitten lacking in sparklies.

**Me: This was a long chapter, but most of it was author notes. **

**Erik (munching on chocolate ice cream): Why did she steal my mask?**

**Me: Because it was sparklie!**

**Erik: …No it's not…**

**Me: It is now! Hey…Where'd you get that ice cream?**

**Erik: Um…What ice cream?**

**Me: The ice cream you're eating…**

**Erik: Um…It isn't ice cream…  
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Me: It's not? What is it then?**

**Erik: Um…horse meat?**

**Me: Ewwwww…I thought you didn't eat that.**

**Erik: I do now?**

**Me: Um...okay…Please review!**

**Erik: -.-;**


	5. Chapter 5

**Meow!**

**A/n: Oh my! I'm soooo sorry! I've been really busy, and I was hit with writers block! And even now, I don't have a chapter for you! But I have a surprise! And thanks to all my lovely reviewers, you're the bestest! Please don't kill me for being so slow! Please enjoy this song phicish thing I came up with while staring at my very own Ayesha, who has lived up to her name.**

**Disclaimer: I own all but two lines of this. But they need to be there!**

Erik:

In sleep she pounced on me

With rats she came

Those claws which gouge at me;

Ignores her name,

And is she back again,

For now I hear,

The Kitten of the opera is near

With furry ears!

Ayesha:

Call once again for me

I'm not a pet

My power over you

Grows stronger yet

And so you dote on me,

Have my bell to hear

The Kitten of the opera is near

With furry ears!

Erik:

Those who have seen you feed

Think you're too bold

I am your pers'nal chef!

Ayesha:

I'm getting old!

Both:

My/your thumbs and your/my hunger

Are things to fear

The Kitten of the opera is near

With furry ears!

**A/N: Sooo sorry! Hope you like this little side-dish! –runs away ducking thrown objects-**


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